Aisle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle. They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep. After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.

Rule No. 1: When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.
Rule No. 2: Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.
Rule No. 3: In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up halfway and stop on the line, taking both.
Rule No. 4: As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him.
Rule No. 5: Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his or her car.
Rule No. 6: When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard.
Rule No. 7: When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of more...

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said,"I need to get up and get a beer."
"Don't get up," said the American, "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you".
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up his other shoe and spat in it too. When the American returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes and realized immediately what had happened. "Why does it have to be this more...

1. Eat nothing but gas-inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to 'share the wealth' with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC).
2. Repeat #1, only engage in a 'cuppy war' with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a 'cuppy' is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.)
3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing transports, jump up and scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what the temperature is, keep doing it until the bus driver turns the heat up to full blast just to shut you up, then wait a few minutes for it to get really hot and start to complain about it.
5. Two words: Water Pistol
6. Two more words: Paper Airplanes
7. Make racing car noises constantly, more...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
"I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler.
"Oh yeah?" "Let's see you do it." Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I stopped drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
Take a Crap First "A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, whatcha gonna do in Tampa?"
"Well," says the skipper, more...