Anything Jokes / Recent Jokes

CONCERNING THE ORIGINS OF LOVE
"Cupid kissed God and that got the ball rollin'."
Julio, age 9
"One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods.
he tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just
couldn't get her away from him... After a while, they became the
first married gods.
Robbie, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has
freckles too."
Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do
with how you smell...That's why perfume and deodorant are so
popular.
Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but
the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age more...

If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it`s not $19. 95.

If anything can go wrong, it will.

If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.

If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

If at first you don`t succeed, blame it on your supervisor.

If at first you don`t succeed, cheat!

If at first you don`t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries. "Didja get anything on that last heist?" Jack asked. "Nuttin' at all," Mugs admitted. "Toins out that the guy that lives there's a lawyer." "Jeez, ain't that the breaks," his friend sympathized. "Didja lose anything?"

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's more...

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"
The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

You don't learn anything the second time a mule kicks you.

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it.It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
Anita C., age 8
"It isn't always just how you look.Look at me.I'm more...