Bicycle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

1. Bicycles don't pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Suprise, you're goning to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works more...

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why dont you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle.

1. Bicycles don't pregnant.2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.3. Bicycles don't have parents.4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.11. You'll never hear, "Suprise, you're goning to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don't have more...

One day padre lost his bicycle. He was very distraught and consulted a friend about what to do. "It must be a member of your congregation who took it," said his friend. "Next Sunday after your sermon, read out the ten commandments. When you come to' thou shalt not steal'; pause and take a good look at the congregation. The one who stole it will look guilty and you will be able to spot him."
The following Sunday the friend asked the padre if he had found his bicycle. "Yes, indeed," replied the padre, "its back with me."
"So you followed my advice and found the guilty man?"
"In a way," replied the padre. "When I came to' thou shalt not commit adultery', I suddenly recalled where I had left it."

A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "Whats in the bags?", asked the guard."Sand," said the cyclist."Get them off - well take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I wont say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"