Boots Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sheep Shagging
A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer.
"So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
"That's very interesting," replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer.
"So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
"That's very interesting," replies the researcher. "That's how they do it in Cornwall too." And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets a farmer from Abergaveny.
"So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and more...
A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old indian. Above the old indian was a sign that read, "$5.00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00!".
The young man watched a cowboy approach the indian and ask, "Is the sign right?".
The indian says, "yes".
The cowboy hands him a five and says, "you're on!"
The indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, "you're from Wyoming!".
The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away.
A second cowboy approaches the indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots. The indian says, "you're from Montana!"
The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.
The young man decides he's going to give the indian a run more...
1) TV'S GALORE
Udurawana is buying a TV."Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
2) Flying High
Udurawana calls Air Lanka.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a second," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Udurawana and cuts the line.
3) EMPLOYMENT.
Udurawana was filling up an application form
for a job. He filled the columns titled NAME, AGE,
ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected: After much thought he wrote: Yes
4) CROCODILE BOOTS.
Udurawana proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off
to Africa and disappears. Finally a search team
found him hunting a huge crocodiles. He walks
over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"70th damn croc and this bugger is also barefeet!"
5) Thermos
Udurawana more...
Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night before.
"I entertained a cowboy last night", says the first.
"How did you know he was a cowboy?", asks the second.
"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time we were together."
"Sounds like a cowboy, all right." the others say.
"I entertained a lawyer," announces the second. "I could tell because he wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time."
They agree he sounded like a lawyer.
"I had a dirt farmer for a client," comments the third.
"How could you possibly know he was a dirt farmer?" she is asked.
"First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the more...
Albert Garcia Jr. sued the state in 1992 because the Ely State Prison began delivering his legal mail from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. He claimed the delivery time interfered with his sleeping pattern.
Kenneth Parker sued the state because he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter from the prison canteen at Nevada State Prison in 1989 but received one jar of chunky and one jar of creamy peanut butter. While Parker was later given the peanut butter he requested, he still pursued the case, and it was later dismissed.
Randall Wildeman sued the state in 1991 because a Nevada State Prison officer destroyed the bras and bikini panties he had in his cell. Wildeman claimed he was making women's clothing to be sent as gifts.
Michael Sims sued the state in 1994 on the grounds that a prison guard at the Ely State Prison was calling him names. Sims said the guard called him a "faggot" and a "snitch" and put him in a life-threatening situation.
Donald Ferris sued Nevada more...
One night Little Billy wanted his mum to read him a story . She read him a story about Puss in boots. The next day at school the teacher said "Now Billy what did you read last night?" Billy replied "Piss in boots"