Boyfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be let out alone.
The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks. (Personally I think the dancing is debatable on most men).
Never sleep with a man who's named his willy.
Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them more...

There was a blonde, and she called her boyfriend one afternoon.
"
I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle, and I need help. Can you come over?"
"
Well what do you have to make?"
he asked. The blonde looked at the box and said,
"
A tiger."
she answered. So her boyfriend agreed to come over.
When he got there, she showed him the puzzle.
"
Well first of all you need to relax and sit down. Then you can help me pick up the Frosted Flake pieces."
he said.

Female Viagra
With the introduction of Viagra to fix a perennial male problem, a famous pharmaceutical company is working to redress the balance.
MIRRORCILLIN - A 5cc dose enables a woman to walk past mirrors for up to four hours without pausing once.
STOPPANAGGIN - Gives women a vague feeling of contentment towards their spouse/boyfriend.
COSMOPOLIRA - Doubles female intelligence to almost simian levels, allowing' facts' in trash lifestyle magazines to be disputed.
LOGICON - Trials showed that females taking this were able to follow a proposition through to its logical conclusion, and argue effectively without being diverted into non relevant postulates such as' you don't love me anymore'.
PARKATRON - 72% of women taking this were able to safely reverse park a Ford Fiesta into a space only 12 meters long; 54% achieved this in under 15 minutes.
MAGNATACK - Uniquely distorts the cornea, making certain shapes appear much larger than in reality - no more...

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems".
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
So he started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes more...

A pretty girl goes to church to make a confession to a priest. She is sobbing uncontrollaby when the priest asks her, "what's the matter my child?"
"My boyfriend did something bad to me," she said. The priest now kissed her and said, "Did he do this to you?" She shakes her head "no." He hugs her and said, "did he do this to you." she stutters a "no" between all her crying. He now pulled off her clothes and said, "Did he do this to you?" She stops crying enough to say"no." He now has his way with her and says, "did he do this to you?" She crys, "not exactly" After putting on his clothes and covering her up he asked, "Then what did your boyfriend do?" She crys out. "He raped me and gave me AIDS!" The priest fainted!

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.
She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, now she's angry!
She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"
"Shut up," she says, "You're next."