Cake Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a little boy and his mom went to the zoo where they saw two monkeys having sex. The little boy looked up at his mom and asked what they were doing to which she replied " Oh, they are just baking a cake"
So the little boy and his mom go home and they turn on the t.v. On the screen it showed two people having sex. Again the little boy asked what they were doing and again the mom replies "oh, they are just baking a cake"
The next morning the boy approached the mom and said " Mom, I know what you did last night " and the mom asked " What is it that I did sweetie?" The little boy looks up at his mom and says " You baked a cake and I know you did because I licked the icing off the couch!"

Here's my favourite recipe for fruit cake.
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or more...

One day a little boy and his mom were walking down the street, and the little boy noticed two birds doing "it" in their nest.
"Mommy, what are those birds doing?"
"Oh, they're baking a cake, that's all."
Later on they went to the zoo, and the little boy again saw two orang-utans doing it in the monkey pit, and again, "Mommy, what are those monkeys doing?"
"They are baking a cake too!"
Later that night, the little boy went to sleep, but was woken up in the middle of the night by a loud scream, followed by moaning.
The little boy, confused as hell, decided to go investigate. He walked in his mom and dads' room and noticed a weird act going on in their bed, and decided to run back to his room and go back to sleep.
THE NEXT MORNING...
"Mommy," said the little boy, "Were you and daddy baking a cake last night?"
"Yes, son, we were,"
"Okay, good, cause I went in your more...

this is pretty nasty...to some people, might be funny to others, don't comments things like, "i puked"

a girl and her mom is in the park and the girl see's two dogs going at it and asks, "what're they doing?" The mom's all flustered and says, "they're baking a cake" and ushers the girl back home quickly. Later that night, the girl's thirsty so she goes downstairs for some water, when she sees the mom and dad going at it. she giggles and goes upstairs. in the morning she says to her mom, "mommy! where's the cake?"
the moms says, "what cake? i didn't make any cake."
the girls replies, "yes you did, cause i licked the icing off the couch!"

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "Yes".

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. So I looked closer. It was made of grass.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

I had amnesia once or twice.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

I got a chain letter by FAX. It's very simple. You just FAX a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to
Santa? Have no fear! This handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do
the heavy lifting for you!

Dear...... [Santa Claus] [Saint Nicolas] [Father Christmas]
[Pagan Troll] [Obese Trespassing Altruist] [Satan Claus - Devourer
of Children's Souls],
This year, I have been a very...... [good] [bad] [materialistic]
[passive aggressive] [manipulative] [Ritalin-addled] little......
[boy] [girl] [TV watcher] [advertising tampon]. I have......
[not] [sometimes] [compulsively]. ..... [lied] [cheated]
[embezzled] [pillaged] [murdered], and I have...... [always]
[often] [rarely] [never] helped my...... [mommy] [daddy] [grandma]
[grandpa] [brother] [sister] [mommy's "special friend"] [other
daddy] with their...... [chores] [homework] [taxes] [pyramid
schemes] [colostomy bag]. And I always say thank you, which makes
me...... [nice] [polite] [seem like I more...

Dear Diary,
Monday;
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday;
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So, I didn't dress. But, Bill happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!
Wednesday:

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So, I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:

Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of more...