Candy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more...
As I left the grocery store, I noticed two little kids, maybe six or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band."I'll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," I said to the boys. "You eat it for me."I bought one and handed the candy back to one of the boys. He shook his head. "I can't," he said."Why not?"Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, "I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."
In a catholic school a little girl is enjoying a lollypop.
A nun walks by and notices it. She pinches the little girl's nose and shakes her about saying:
"You know, little girl, eating candy all the time one doesn't get allowed into heaven!"
To chich the girl replied:
"I know mam, but with fingers smelling like sperm one doesn't get allowed into heaven either!"
The Non-Stress DietThis diet is designed to help you cope with stress which normally builds up during the day.Breakfast1/2 Grapefruit
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry
8 oz. Skim MilkLunch4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 cup Steamed Spinach
1 cup Herb Tea
1 Oreo CookieMid-Afternoon SnackRest of the Oreos in the package
2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
Nuts, Cherries, Whipped CreamDinnerLoaves of Garlic Bread with Cheese
Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars Rules For This Diet1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and more...
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Candy.
Candy who?
Candy cow jump over the moon?
what did the candy bar want to be when he grew up?
A rapper
made up by peter garry
While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see. .. it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."