Candy Jokes / Recent Jokes
You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)
You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)
You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction).
You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.
At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later more...
theres a new candy bar that came out its called the jackson 2 its dark chocolate dipped in white with out nuts. if you buy two you get 10% off jesus juice
A seven year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him.
"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a piece of candy."
The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two pieces of candy?"
The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. "OK," he says, "here's my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat."
The boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he says to the driver, "you bought the Chevrolet, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"
A little boy is leaving school at the end of the day. As he strolls along the
sidewalk, a car pulls up to the curb, and a man winds down the window.
"Hey, kid, I've got candy in my car. Hop in and I'll give it to you."
"No. I'm not going to." The boy walks on. Further down the road, the car
pulls over again.
"Hey there kid, if you get in my car, I'll give you all this candy, and a big
bottle of cola. How about it?"
"No way! Now leave me alone!" The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The
car again pulls over beside him.
"Look, kid, I've got a puppy at home you'd love to see. Get in and I'll take
you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What d'you
say to that?"
The boy is getting agitated. He stops walking, and leans down to the car
window.
"Look, I don't care what you promise me Dad. I'm NOT riding in your Lada!"
Chocolate, the 5th food group:Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.Diet tip: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look more...
A little boy is leaving school at the end of the day. As he strolls along the sidewalk, a car pulls up to the curb, and a man winds down the window.
"Hey, kid, I've got candy in my car. Hop in and I'll give it to you."
"No. I'm not going to." The boy walks on. Further down the road, the car pulls over again.
"Hey there kid, if you get in my car, I'll give you all this candy, and a big bottle of cola. How about it?"
"No way! Now leave me alone!" The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The car again pulls over beside him.
"Look, kid, I've got a puppy at home you'd love to see. Get in and I'll take you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What d'you say to that?"
The boy is getting agitated. He stops walking, and leans down to the car window.
"Look, I don't care what you promise me Dad. I'm NOT riding in your Lada!"