Center Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse`s trainer meets him before the race and says, ``All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, `ALLLLEEE OOOP!` really loudly in the horse`s ear. Providing you do that, you`ll be fine.``
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer`s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers `Aleeee ooop` in the horse`s ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ``It`s no good, I`ll have to do it,`` and yells, ``ALLLEEE OOOP!`` really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for more...
A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED.
IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD". WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:
DEAR DAD,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS! ; SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES.
BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.
BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA more...
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space. As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.'' At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off. Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff.'' At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle seperated from the empty fuel tanks. Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to the astronaut...'' At this the astronaut shouted ''I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.''
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Resume of: Shaynana Chiquita Shanekia "Pookie" Jones ADDRESS: 2036 South Side Skreet, Compton, CA 11122 PHONE: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th OBJECTIVE: To one day forefill my dream of bein'a Soul Train danca and you know just gittin' my life togetha and stuff. I also hope to one day be the best cosmotologecalist (you know what I mean)Beauty Speciacalist) there is in my hood. SKILLS: I do hurh (hair) and nails in my kitchen and I be using my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I be doing braids in any texture or color: synthetic or real human hurh. Black, blonde, brown, dark brown, dark black, gold blonde, dark gold blonde,red, maroon,blue and rainbo colors. EDUCATION: THE "GET YOURS" HOME CORREPONDENCE COURSE, INC. BIG MAMA'S HOUSE OF HAIR N' NAILS N' FRIED CHICKEN N' GREENS (gradmuated with honors for the most extenzions done in a year's time). WORK EXPERIENCE: Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill Pool Hall & Bait more...