Choice Jokes / Recent Jokes
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and doe not use a condom all the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tell the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there is no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replies: more...
Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all;
Additionally,
a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress more...
"Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice but with no implication that you have a religious persuasion, and with respect for the religious persuasions of others or their choice not to practice a religion at all."
Adding all my wishes for the same to you and yours, Jeff. Note: the preceding was forwarded from' The Globe and Mail', quoting Gerry Furney, the mayor of Port McNeill, British Columbia, Canada this morning.
Happy Solstice, Happy Hanukkah,
Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza
Sorry for the delay... our Legal Department just
approved the following Holiday Greeting:
To All HumorMatters Readers:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best
wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible,
low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the
winter solstice holiday(tm), practiced within the most enjoyable
traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular
practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to
practice religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally
successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition
of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without
due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures more...
After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar line workers is football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
"Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice but with no implication that you have a religious persuasion, and with respect for the religious persuasions of others or their choice not to practice a religion at all."
Adding all my wishes for the same to you and yours, Jeff.
Note: the preceding was forwarded from 'The Globe and Mail', quoting Gerry Furney, the mayor of Port McNeill, British Columbia, Canada this morning.
For my Beloved Graduate Advisor (who just wont let me graduate): -)
Cheers!!
Dracula was killed one day & up he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God.
God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done
going around sucking blood & killing.
"I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God "I'll send
you back to earth, BUT not in a human form. You can only be re incarnated
into any other living things of your choice. So, what would you like
to be?"
Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a
LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD, heh.. heh.. heh."
"So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a VAMPIRE BAT.
So back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals
until one day when he got killed by a farmer. So up he went again to
meet God, feeling a little bit sheepish.
"I'll more...