Cone Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach. The girl lobster suggested that the boy lobster go get them an ice cream cone. Having purchased two cones, Mr Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice cream. By the time he had finished the ice cream, he realized that his girlfriend's had started to melt all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up eating it too. When he arrived back at the beach Ms Lobster exclaimed "Where's my ice cream cone?" Well", he said. "I decided to eat mine, then yours melted so I ate that too." She was incensed and cried "You shellfish bastard!!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?""None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away.""Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?""Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone.""No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question, "
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting
on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"
None,"
replied Johnny, "
cause the rest would fly away."
"
Well, the answer is four,"
said the teacher, "
but I like the way you're
thinking."
Little Johnny says, "
I have a question for you. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the
second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one
is married?"
"
Well,"
said the teacher nervously, "
I guess the one sucking the cone."
"
No,"
said Little Johnny, "
the one with the wedding ring on her finger,
but I like the way you're thinking."

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the more...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five
birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her
cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Hmmm...," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

Miss Jones asked young Tommy, "If three birds were sitting on a fence, and the farmer shot one of them, how many would be left?"
"Well," said Tommy, "none would be left because the sound of the gun would scare the others away."
"That's not quite the answer I was looking for, since we're doing subtraction today, but I like the way you're thinking," the teacher said.
The next day, Tommy told Miss Jones that he had a question for her. "If three women were walking down the road, one licking an ice cream cone, one sucking an ice cream cone and one biting an ice cream cone, which of the three would be the married woman?"
"I think it would be the one sucking the ice cream cone," Miss Jones replied.
"Sorry, Miss Jones," Tommy said. "It would be the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."