Correct Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves","Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.And labor conditions at the north poleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul.Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.And equal employment had made it quite clearThat Santa had better not use just reindeer.So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!? The runners had been removed from his sleigh;The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.And people had started to call for the copsWhen they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of more...

Men should ace this test. .. women may have a little difficulty. There IS a code of "Restroom Etiquette" that MUST be followed. =============================================== The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use." (Sample): | | | x | | | x | (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | are occupied.) ------------------------- You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to correctly stand. Good luck! -------------------- Easy Section -------------------- 1.) | | x | | x | | | (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ------------------------- Your choice: ___ ----------------------------------------------------------------- Correct answer: 6 It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this. =============================================== 2.) | x | | | | | | (Urinal 1 occupied.) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | more...

One day, a little girl was going to Sunday School, when she saw little Jonny.
Nwo, Little Jonny always had trouble staying awake in class, so the little girl decided to help him.
The Sunday School teacher asked, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"
The little girl poked Jonny in the back with her pencil, to which he replied, " Jesus Christ!"
"That is correct, now sit down and no yelling."
The teacher then asked, "Who was the man that died on the cross for us?"
The little girl poked Jonny in the back again, to which he replied," Good Lord!"
"That's correct. NOw sit down and stop yelling."
Then she asked, " What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 32nd child?"
once again the little girl poked Jonny in the back to which he replied," If you stick that thing in me one more time, I will grab it and break it in half!"

A Class Professor Was Giving A Lecture On Company Slogans And Was Asking His Students If They Were Familiar With Them. "Joe," He Asked, "Which Company Has The Slogan,' Come Fly The Friendly Skies'?" Joe Answered The Correct Airline. "Sid, Can You Tell Me Which Company Has The Slogan, "Don't Leave Home Without It?" Sid Answered The Correct Credit Card Company With No Difficulty. "Now Adi, Tell Me Which Company Bears The Slogan,' Just Do It'?" And Adi Answered, "Mom."

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."

POLITICALLY CORRECT SEASONS GREETINGS Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes For an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern hemispheresummer solstice, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of thereligious persuasion of your choice, or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions ofothers, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medicallyuncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great, andwithout regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual orientation or choice of computer platform andoperating system of the wishee. By accepting more...