Crying Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men are on a plane. The first one throws a dirt-clod out of the plane. When he lands, he finds a child crying and asks him, "Why are you crying?" The child says a dirt-clod fell out of the sky and hit his dad on the head. The second man on the plane throws a dog''s chewing bone. When he lands the plane he finds a woman crying and asks, "Why are you crying?" The woman says, "A bone fell out of the sky and hit my husband on the head" The third man on the plane throws a bomb. When he lands the plane, he finds an old man laughing and asks him, "Why are you laughing?" The old man replies, "I farted and my house blew up."

I can’t even figure out why people remotely like travel!

It’s dumbfounding. Why would people love to travel? You have to buy luggage which doesn’t fit in your apartment. Then you have to forget something simple, yet vital, like your toothbrush-you end up buying a new one for triple the money in the foreign city. Not to mention you have to learn the word toothbrush in the destination city. It took me 20 minutes to explain what I was looking for in Montreal, and 30 minutes in Alabama.

Then it’s planes, trains, and automobiles. I don’t ever remember going on a long trip in ANY of these and thinking, “This is fun!” Especially when I was getting strip-searched by Israeli customs. Luckily, I got to sit next to a fat, orthodox man for 11 hours on that trip!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee, travel! By the way, the hack jokes about crying babies are all true. I DARE you to sit next to one crying baby for one hour and not think once about murder, flushing it down the plane's more...

"What's the matter little boy?" said old Fred when he saw the young lad sitting on the kerb crying.
"I'm crying because I can't do what the big boys do," said young Wilf.
The old man sat on the kerb and started crying too.

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says “if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night”.
So he says “ok” and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.
The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says “if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night.
So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.
The man says “To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him”.

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the more...

Two sisters arrived home from school crying their eyes out.
"What's the matter with the two of you?" asked their mother.
"All the kids at school always make fun of my big feet," wailed the first sister.
"Don't let it bother you," comforted the mother, "Your feet aren't that big." She then turned her attention to the second sister. "Now why are you crying?"
"My friends invited me to go skiing and I can't find my skis," she cried.
"That's not a problem," the mother said, "You can borrow your sister's shoes."

Two Sisters Came Home From School Crying Their Hearts Out.
"What's Wrong?" Asked Their Mother.
First Sister Started Wailing,"The Kids At School Make Fun Of My Big Feet." "There, There," Soothed The Mother. "Your Feet Aren't That Big."
She Turned To The Second Sister. Now Why Are You Crying?" "Because I've Been Invited To A Ski Party & I Can't Find My Skis."
"That's Okay," Said Her Mother, "You Can Borrow Your Sister's Shoes."