Daily Jokes / Recent Jokes

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find The Los Angeles Times, November 2
' Light' meals are lower in fat, calories Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than more...

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7. 50
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7, 50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church.” The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.” “Well,” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’”Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.” Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread...’ to ‘give us this day our daily more...

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, "What can I do?"

The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from,' Give us this day our daily bread' to' Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from' Give us this day our daily bread' to' Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help more...

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995

Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2

"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30

Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18

Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22

Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11

Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3

Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily more...

International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat. 2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. 3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. 4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily. 5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. 6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. 7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. 8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???). 9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream. 10. On the menu of a more...

Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% more...