Dial Jokes / Recent Jokes
I work for customer service at AT&T, and we often have to deal with the most confounding questions and responses from customers. Here are a few taken from a compilation called "Thank You for Calling AT&T."
"Thanks for calling AT&T, this is Londa."
"Who did I Call? LONDON?"
"No, this is Londa."
"WHERE? LONDON, ENGLAND?"
"I've been on hold four months."
"Can you tell me if my calling card is in my wallet?"
"I was trying to abuse my calling card, and it's just not working!"
"So...which adult party line would YOU choose?"
"Is 30% more than 10%?"
"I want you to check my bill to see if I would save money on a different plan."
"I'd be glad to do that. May I have your area code and phone number?
"You'll have to look it up. It's a non-published number. I don't give it out."
"I think you're screwing me! I'm going to more...
This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered nicely saying, ''Hello?''
I politely said, ''This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?''
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled, ''You're a jackass!'' and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word ''jackass,'' and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when more...
Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Very fast: Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP
I work TS for an ISP, here are a few things that drive me nuts:
Tech: What is your User Name?
Cust: John Smith.
Tech: (searching for user name johnsmith to no avail) that's your USER Name, your login name?
Cust: Yep.
Tech: .. (search for cust acct by last name, find a million Smiths.. finally find their acct.) We have your user name listed as ''wolf231''.
Cust: Yep.
Tech: Not John Smith.
Cust: Yep.
Tech:...
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Tech: What error message are you getting?
Cust: I'm not getting an error, it just won't connect.
Tech: Nothing comes up when you try to connect?
Cust: Nope, nothing happens at all. It doesn't say anything.
Tech: .. and nothing appears on the screen what-so-ever..?
Cust: Nope.
Tech: - Well.. What happens to lead you to believe that it isn't working?
Cust: It says Error 691, User Name or Password..
Tech: That's what we in the buisness call an ERROR MESSAGE.
-
Tech: What error message are you more...
"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming." I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All more...
The following coorespondence actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have bought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you, S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as your requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid.
Dear Maid,
I hope you are my more...