Dictionary Jokes / Recent Jokes
MARRIAGE Dictionary
Bachelor: 1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who every morning comes to work from a different direction.
4) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
5) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
6) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
7) A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
8) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bridegroom: A gent who exchanges living quarters for a better half.
Cad: A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
Childish game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would more...
1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
2. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
3. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
4. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
5. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
6. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
7. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
8. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
9. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
10. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
11. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
12. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" more...
You`re like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!"
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good - but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, more...
PANDA WALKS INTO A BAR...
A panda walked into a bar and went up to the barman and said: "I want a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please." The barman took his order and the Panda went to sit down at a table. Soon, a waiter took over the meal, the Panda gobbled it up, thanked, tipped the waiter and paid his bill.
All seemed normal until the Panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter dead.
The barman rushed over and said: "Argh! You just shot my friend!!!" The Panda calmly replied: "Do you know what I am?" "Of Course I do," the barman answered, "you're a Panda!" "Good," the Panda replied, "now go home and look me up in the dictionary." And with that, the Panda walked out of the bar.
The barman was a little unsure, but he was very eager to be enlightened on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary and after a while he more...
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank.""But we's privates," protests Junior."NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank.""But, we's privates," says Junior."You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!"So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba."You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good - but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.Three more...
Two good old boys, Bubba and Junior have been promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says,
"Hey, Junior, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have a drink."
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"We's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside.
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy?" asks Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now."
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good - but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers,
"Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, more...