Driveway Jokes / Recent Jokes
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELERDecember 8: 6: 00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have more...
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving 20 blocks from the house and leaving the cat at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the
driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He let the beast out of the car and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, but the feline would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, cross the bridge, then right again, and make another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Dec. 8 5: 00 p. m. - It's starting to snow, the first of the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful. Dec. 9 - We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and I loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalks. Later the snowplow came along and covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back. I shoveled it again. Dec. 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get a little more before this lovely winter is over. Dec. 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to about 0 degrees. Shoveled the sidewalk and driveway again. Shortly the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Dec. 15 - Sold our car more...
Why is a parkway called a parkway when your diving? Why is a driveway called a driveway when your parked?
Minnesota Diary:
August 12
Moved to our new home in Minnesota. Beautiful here. The Nothern Woods are so majestic. Can hardly wait for snow. I love it here.
Oct. 14
Minnesota is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned colours-shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the country and saw some deer. They are so graceful. .... certainly they are the most beautiful animals on earth. I really love it here.
Nov. 11
Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. What a beautiful place.
Dec. 12
Snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard! We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snow ball fight ( I won), and when the snow plow came by we got to shove the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Minnesota.
Dec. 14
More snow last night. I love it. The more...
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little more...