Driveway Jokes / Recent Jokes
AUG 12 Moved to our new home in upstate New York. It is so beautiful
here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with
snow on them. I love it here.
OCT 14 Upstate New York is the most beautiful place on earth. The
leaves are turning all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went
for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so
graceful, certainly they are the most wonderful animal on earth. This
must be paradise. I love it here.
NOV 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to
kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
DEC 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed
with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow
off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I
won), and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel again. What a
beautiful more...
Aug. 12 Moved to our new home in Montana. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see the snow covering them.
Oct. 14 Montana is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise! I love it here.
Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
Dec. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight, I won. Than the snowplow came by. We had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place! I love Montana!!
Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The more...
Rule One
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers more...
DEAR DIARY....August 12
Moved to our new home in Canada. It's so beautiful here. The
mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow
covering them. October 14
Canada. It is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have
turned all colours and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride
through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so
graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This
must be paradise. I love it here. November 11
Remembrance day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine
anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I
love it here. December 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with
white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the
snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball
fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the
driveway again. What a beautiful more...
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELERDecember 8:6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9:We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12:The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so more...
Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
Oct. 14 - Canada--it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer.
They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!
Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway.
We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada!
Dec. 12 - more...
Dec. 8 5:00 p.m. - It's starting to snow, the first of the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful. Dec. 9 - We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and I loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalks. Later the snowplow came along and covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back. I shoveled it again. Dec. 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get a little more before this lovely winter is over. Dec. 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to about 0 degrees. Shoveled the sidewalk and driveway again. Shortly the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Dec. 15 - Sold our car and more...