Dutch Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is the best thing about marrying a dutch man???
On your honey moon they give you something long and hard... Their last name.
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question. "God," he said, "What is heaven like?" God replied, "Well, normally I don't tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!" The man looked pleased. "What is hell like?" he asked. "Well," he said with a sigh, "the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers."
Q. Why couldn’t the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?
A. She got her finger caught in a dike!
There is a lot of talk about the United Nations creating a combined strike force with troops from several nations included in it.
Could it work? Let's take a look at one operation.
A combined force beach landing on a tropical island. When the troops hit the beach.
The Royal Marines go fishing.
The US Marines wait for CNN to arrive.
The French don't care whose beach it is; it's French territory now!
The Canadians watch the Americans very closely, then offer to guard their landing strip.
The Dutch have a beach party and smoke some dope saying the English don't understand them.
The Italians go sunbathing.
The Germans land and build a car factory.
The West Indians go looking for the Dutch.
The Austrians just watch the Russians and Germans.
The Chinese win the natives hearts and minds then kill them.
The SEALs arrive after dark and kill anyone who is not a SEAL.
The Aussies and Kiwis land then start fighting each other over a more...
Tuesday's Wall Street Journal has an article about the Dutch takeover of
JFK airport's International Arrivals building. The Dutch have some
interesting ideas on how to clean it up:
In Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an
operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice is that
each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black
outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain.
"It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims at
it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building expansion.
His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that etchings reduce
spillage by 80%.
"We will put flies in the urinals - yes," Jan Jansen says in a back office
at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager, the boss as
of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about. That's more...
This is a list of humourous linguistics in various languages that
I've encountered:
In America, if you want to split the cost of an evening out, you say
you are "going Dutch," since the Dutch are well known for their
frugality. The Dutch, on the other hand, call the same arrangement
"op z'n Amerikaans" (going American) because the Americans are
known for their egalitarian nature!
In English, the bird "turkey" was named as though it came from Turkey.
In Turkish, the bird is named "hindi" as though it came from "Hindistan,"
which is Turkish for India. (Any Hindi speakers wish to comment on
the Hindi name of a turkey?)
Also, in Turkish, the word for cannibal is "yam yam," pronounced
"yum yum" as if it tasted good. Really.
French fries aren't really French. In fact, they were invented by the
English (so greasy, you know), who call them chips. The French more...
There is a lot of talk about the United Nations creating a combined strike force with troops from several nations included in it.
Could it work? Let's take a look at one operation.
A combined force beach landing on a tropical island. When the troops hit the beach. The Royal Marines go fishing.
The US Marines wait for CNN to arrive.
The French don't care whose beach it is; it's French territory now!
The Canadians watch the Americans very closely, then offer to guard their landing strip.
The Dutch have a beach party and smoke some dope saying the English don't understand them.
The Italians go sunbathing.
The Germans land and build a car factory.
The West Indians go looking for the Dutch.
The Austrians just watch the Russians and Germans.
The Chinese win the natives hearts and minds then kill them.
The SEALs arrive after dark and kill anyone who is not a SEAL.
The Aussies and Kiwis land then start fighting each other over a more...