Email Jokes / Recent Jokes

E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line. Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest. Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it. Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message. Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar. Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS. Thou shalt not forward any chain letter. Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work. Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose. When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn. And, the Golden Rule of email: That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

Shane invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Shane's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Shane and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Shane and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Shane volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Kerry and I are just rommates."
About a week later, Kerry came to Shane and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle."
"You don't suppose she took it, do you? " Shane said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a email just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you didn't take a more...

Top 22 Signs You've Had Too Much of the 90's:

22) Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car

21) Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have email addresses

20) Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's homepage to your bookmarks

19) You have a "to do list" that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off

18) You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents

17) Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains

16) You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow

15) You assume the question to valet park or not is rhetorical

14) You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet

13) Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes

12) Your grocery list has more...

Internet is becoming popularized in China. More and more people have opened an email account. However, there are still some problems with this new media. Mis-delivery is a serious one.

Last week a Beida graduate student called Li Na tried to send a "have a try" email to his classmate Zhao Wen-Jian, but that message was sent to Mr. Li Peng, one of the top leaders in China, by mistake.

As a result, Mr. Li was surprised by the following message: "Hi, Fatty: How are you? This is only a try. By the way, the yellow joke you told last night is just great."

The next day, Li Na received an email from "security@zhongnanhai. cn" in which he was told: "We have evidence to proof that you have been tapping the highest security hotlines of government. Any attempt to bug the telephone talk of country leaders is illegal."

Footnote: Li Peng is the Premier who ordered to kill Peking students in Tiananmen Square in 1989 more...

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1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since more...

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Stop off at another floor on the way back, and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a clean, well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth more...