Empty Jokes / Recent Jokes

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman pinscher.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.

At The Superbowl Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "no". Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!" The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together more...

A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, a blonde, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.About five minutes later, he saw the blonde again. She checked the mailbox and once again, returned to her house empty handed.She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. "Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?" the man asked."Because," replied the blonde, "my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail!"

It's a sunny morning in a big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch and screams, "For gosh sakes, how many times do we have to go through this crap? I haven't made the porridge yet!"

Introduction To Common Household Objects I - The Mop
Introduction To Common Household Objects II - The Sponge
Dressing Up - Beyond The Funeral And The Wedding
Refrigerator Forensics - Identifying And Removing The Dead
Design Pattern Or Splatter Stain On The Linoleum - You CAN Tell the Difference
Accepting Loss I - If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
Accepting Loss II - If The Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In The Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back
Going To The Supermarket - It's Not Just For Women Anymore
Recycling Skills I - Boxes That The Electronics Came In
Recycling Skills II - Styrofoam That Came In The Boxes That The Electronics Came In
Bathroom Etiquette I - How To Remove Beard/Mustache Clippings From The Sink
Bathroom Etiquette II - Let's Wash Those Towels!
Bathroom Etiquette III - Five Easy Ways To Tell When You're About To Run Out Of Toilet Paper
Giving Back To The Community - How To Donate 15 Year Old Elvis To The more...

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars?
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells - "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"
"It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first." "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up." "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee." "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away." "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the more...

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire, one a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor and the other a horn player.
The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!".
The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!".
The horn player, ever so suave, reaches into his pack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses his bottle into the air and shoots the conductor. Grinning broadly at his fellow players he says "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this.".