Engineer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two engineering students were crossing the campus. One said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A physician, an engineer and a judge were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

The judge smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"

How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

"Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun.
No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. feature-poor toys.

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body.
The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."
The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer."
Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"

Two engineering students were riding across campus when one said, "Where did you
get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10, 000 years.