Eye Jokes / Recent Jokes

I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together. Can I borrow that quarter,' cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in loveWhat's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me. Are your legs tired?' cause you been running through my mind ALL day long. Are you lost?' cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven. Is your father a thief?' cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says' yes')Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again? What's that in your eye? Oh... it's a sparkle. If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight? Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven. Do you like raisins? How about a date? So... How am I doin'? I more...

You can't expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down on them.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- more...

Yard Work Sign LanguageA couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife,' Where's the rake?'She replies by nodding her arms like she can't hear. So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions. She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her ass, then rubbing her crotch. He runs upstairs and says,' What?!'She says,' I left tit behind the bush.'

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies, "you just more...

Owed Two A Spell Chequer:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

One day wee jordy was out walking with his lass in the fields of scotland, while walking through the heather the lass says;"ah wee jordy i can tell you want to hold my hand! wee jordy says "aye lass that i do, but how can you tell? Well she says "i can tell by the gleam in your eye." Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee jordy i can tell you wantto give me a kiss"." well I lass that i do, but how can you tell?" "ah wee jordy, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!"Walking along a bit further she says "wee jordy i can tell you want tomake love to me". he says, "aye lass that i do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!""No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"