Factory Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8: 00 AM.
The next day at 8: 45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little more...

Did you know, I was reading about an enormous factory in the USA where there is only ONE MAN working - I know what you're thinking - we've got enormous factories where NOBODY'S working - but this one is different - it's got an end product: it is completely automated to make torch batteries, and the only employee is an old rabbi who stands at the end of the conveyor belt and as the batteries go past he says, "I wish you long life! I wish you long life!"

A blind man was walking down the road past a fish processing factory. Suddenly, he stopped, took a sniff, turned around and said, "Good morning, ladies!"

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Three English robbers went to France in a boat, hoping to rob a factory, and then make it back to England. They were robbing the factory, when the guard came in. They knocked the guard out with a slab of concrete, but they didn't realise that before the guard came to investigate, he had called the police. The robbers went out of the factory to find themselves surrounded by police.
The guard was rushed to hospital but on the way he died. The three robbers were now convicted of murder, and the punishment for that is the guillotine. The first man was asked whether he wants a blindfold, or not, and if he wanted to face up or down. He asked for the blindfold, and to face down. The blade was dropped and millimetres from his neck, it stopped.
It was customary that if you don't die on the first go, you are let free, so the first man was let free. The second man asked for a blindfold, and to face up. Again with him, the blade stopped millimetres from his neck, so he too was a free more...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn`t park anywhere near the place.

Job search
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned. .. couldn`t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
but I just couldn`t hack it … so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor,
but I just wasn`t suited for it … mainly because it was a so-so job. Next I tried working in a Quick Fit Centre,
but that was exhausting. I wanted to be a barber,
but I just couldn`t cut it. Then I tried to be a chef,
figured it would add spice to my life, but I just didn`t have the thyme. Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker,
but any way I sliced it, I couldn`t cut the mustard. My best job was being a musician,
but eventually I found I wasn`t noteworthy. I studied a long time to become a doctor,
but I didn`t have any patients. Next was a job in a shoe factory,
I tried but I just didn`t fit in. I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn`t live on my net income. more...