Factory Jokes / Recent Jokes

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise
visit and check up on his staff. Walking though the plant, he
noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.
"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner
angrily.
"Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.
Taking out a fold of bills from his wallet, the owner
counted out $300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and
said "Here's a week's pay -- now get out and don't come
back!"
Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has
that lazy bum been working here anyway?"
"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just
here to deliver a pizza!"

A man and a woman have a child, and they need a crib, so they go to a crib factory store. This family is really poor, and they can only find cribs for $300. Then they find a crib for $20. They go up to the cashier and ask why. The cashier says its because it is cursed. The man and woman ask how it is cursed. The cashier replies, "After the 1st week of owning the crib, the mother of the child will die. After the 2nd week of owning the crib the child will die. And after the 3rd week the father of the child will die.(remember that last sentance)
The man and woman decide they don't believe the cashier, so they buy the crib anyway. A week goes by, and the woman dies. The man weeps. Another week goes by, and the child dies. The man weeps even more. Another week goes by, and the man trips over the dead mailman in front of his house.

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the' hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that' pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

Did you know, I was reading about an enormous factory in the USA where there is only ONE MAN working - I know what you're thinking - we've got enormous factories where NOBODY'S working - but this one is different - it's got an end product: it is completely automated to make torch batteries, and the only employee is an old rabbi who stands at the end of the conveyor belt and as the batteries go past he says, "I wish you long life! I wish you long life!"

A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom
factory.
After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice that she's going to
quit.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working,
knew
her tasks etc.
He called her into his office, "But why?" He asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all." She said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a rise."
"No." She said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell
me."
"Okay if you must know..." Said the girl, she took off her
underwear
and point to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't got this before, it's the
broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and
showed
his, and said, "Ha ha... my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...."
"Oh no!!" The girl cried with a sob, "I more...

I used to work in an orange juice factory, until I got canned. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, said I couldn't concentrate. You know, same old boring rind over and over again.I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. It was a sew-sew job.I used to work in a muffler factory, until I got exhausted.I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.I wanted to be a chef, figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.I used to be a deli worker, but I couldn't cut the mustard.I used to be a musician, but I wasn't noteworthy.I used to be a dentist, but I couldn't stand living hand-to-mouth.I used to be a hydroelectric-plant operator, but I got tired of the whole dammed thing.I used to be a math teacher, but I had too many problems.I used to be a teacher, until I found out I had no class.I used to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

The owner of a sausage factory was showing his preppy, arrogant son around the place. As hard as he tried to impress him, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory and the father thought, 'now this is sure to impress him'.
Showing his son the machine, he said, "Son, this here is the heart of the factory. With this machine here, we put in a pig and out comes sausages."
Still unimpressed, the snotty son said, "Oh joy!" Would you happen to have a machine where you can put in sausages and out comes a pig?"
Furious at his attitude, the father said, "Yes son, actually we do. We call it your mother!"