Feel Jokes / Recent Jokes

The 5 questions most feared by men are:
1...What are you thinking about?
2...Do you love me?
3...Do I look fat?
4...Do you think she is prettier than me?
5...What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i.e., tells the truth).
As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a...Baseball. b...Football. c...How fat you are. d...How much prettier she is than you. e...How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps more...

Top Ten Most Commonly Used Nursing Phrases
10. "No, really, I don't mind changing the TV channel for you. again."

9. "I'm sorry, it's not THAT kind of Tylenol."
8. "You won't feel a thing."
7. "Because your doctor said so."
6. "This won't hurt a bit."
5. "I swear, if that patient rings the call bell one more time."
4. "No, I will NOT give you a sponge bath (to patients perfectly able to do for themselves)!"
3. "Your gonna feel a little stick."
2. "How can I help you?" (no less than a MILLION times a shift!)
1. "Doctor, I'm sorry to wake you, but." (this one is okay by us)

Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday
Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so more...

The 5 questions most feared by men are:
What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best more...

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when.Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, more...

Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormatAdvantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindlyDisadvantages: May wise up somedayOld Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from HellAdvantages: Pays attention to youDisadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pansSickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, GlumpyAdvantages: PredictableDisadvantages: ContagiousThe Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Don't give me that look."Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom Advantages: Often rightDisadvantages: Often right, but so what? Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my more...

The 5 questions most feared by men are:1...What are you thinking about? 2...Do you love me? 3...Do I look fat? 4...Do you think she is prettier than me? 5...What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i.e., tells the truth).As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a...Baseball. b...Football. c...How fat you are. d...How much prettier she is than you. e...How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was more...