Feel Jokes / Recent Jokes
b (before love) - you take my breath away
a (after love ) - I feel like I'm suffocating
b- she says she loves the way I take control of a situation
a- she called me a controling, manipulative, egomaniac
b- saturday night fever
a- monday night football
b- he makes me feel like a millon dollars
a- if I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
b-is that all your having?
a- maybe you should have just a salad, honey
b- its like I'm living in a dream
a- its like he lives in a dorm
b- $60/doz.
a- $1. 50/stem
b- we agree on everything
a- doesn't she have a mind of her own?
b- victoria secret
a- fruit of the loom
b- feathers and handcuffs
a- ball and chain
b- I love a woman with curves
a- I never said you were fat
b- he's completely lost without me
a- why won't he ever ask for directions?
b- time stood still
a- this relationship is going nowhere
b- croissant more...
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No more...
Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour!
Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin'
out license plates that say "Live free or Die."
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school!
Our local cable company recently took over one of the channels and began 24-hour adverstising on it.
One of the programmes is called "The Dating Network (TM)" and consists of people placing personal ads on for this hour that it's on every night.
Cable advertises the show on other stations, and the ad goes something like this: "Successful singles don't do to singles bars! They don't go on special singles cruises! No, successful singles use The Dating Network (TM)..."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the object of going to bars and cruises and The Dating Network (TM) to be *un*successful at being single...?
Turning back to football (some call it soccer!), our local ABC affiliate, the one that blocks out NYPD Blue with Baywatch 'cause NYPD Blue really isn't quality programming, refuses to cover the World Cup.
They announced that they didn't feel that the audience would be strong enough to show the matches, so they're instead showing movies more...
An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland.""How can you tell?" asked the American."I can feel the cold air." he replied.A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said."How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed.The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."