Finger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A PAKISTANI umpire raised his finger skyward as if signalling a batsman out lbw. The batsman remonstrated angrily "Why did you give the out signal when I am not out?"

The umpire replied coolly, "My dear fellow, I did not mean to signal out for you, I was only pointing to Allah who is merciful, beneficent and the final judge."

There was this one lady who went to the doctor.she runs up to the doctor an says doctor doctor can u help me i hurt everyware!!! the doctor says thats inpossible an he says touch youre elbo the lady does it... Ouch it hurts she said he says touch youre nose... Ouch that hurt even worse ok well touch youre head OUCHHHHHhhhhhh!!! that hurts well... the doctor takes her into the back room an takes X-rays an says miss i think i found out whats wronge... it seems that u have broken youre finger!!!

Hampden was a boy of 9, BUT a vey corrupted 1 at that. Though he hated to goto school, lately he attended all his classes due to his sexy class teacher. One day the class teacher told ever one that the class was going on a trip on saturday. Naturally, Hampden was exited.
Then, on the day of the trip, while on their way, the vehicle broke down and the group had to spend the night away from home. Hampden, realising his chance, started crying in the middle of the night. The teacher inquired why, and Hampden answered promptly saying "i sleep with my mom at night". so the teacher asked him to come and sleep next to her. Then, a little later, Hampden started crying again and the teacher inquired why and Hampden replied "when i sleep at home, i put my finger inside my mom's belly button(BURIYA)". So the teacher told hampden that he could put his finger in her belly button.
A little while later the teacher shakes hampden and says "Hampden, that's not my more...

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.
If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.
"CLUES"
I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good.
I'm spread before I'm eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn't maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before more...

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, “Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts! ” The doctor asks, “Were you ever a Blonde? ” “Yes, I was, ” she replies. “Why do you ask? ” The doctor answers, “Because your finger is broken! ”

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin."CLUES"1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.When I'm not well, I drip.When you blow me, I feel good.2. I'm spread before I'm eaten.Your tongue gets me off.People sometimes lick my nuts.3. I assist an erection.Sometimes big balls hang from me.I'm called a big swinger.4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.I wasn't maiden for long.A big hard thing ripped me open.5. You stick your poles inside me.You tie me down to get me up.I get wet before you do.6. When I go in I cause pain.I cause you to spit and ask you not to more...

Confucius say...Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.Man who fart in church sit in own pew.Baseball very funny game-man with 4 balls no can walk! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted.Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.Man with atletic finger make broad jump.Squirrel who runs up more...