Ghost Jokes / Recent Jokes

In one of Oprah Winfrey's talk shows, a survey was conducted among her audience. Since the subject was about ghosts she started asking her audience these survey questions: Oprah: How many of you have seen a ghost? Please stand up! Amazingly, about 20 people stood up. Oprah: Wow, isn't that really phenomenal? And now for the next question- For you guys standing up - how many of you have actually spoke to a ghost? About five stayed standing up. Oprah: (At this point, really getting tremendously excited!) Wow, imagine that? These people actually spoke to a ghost. And now for the last question, how many of you five guys have actually made love to a ghost? Four guys sat down except one, at the last row of seats. The crowd exploded. Oprah: May we call the gentleman to come to the stage please! At this the cameras focused on an aging old man and guess what, a Filipino guy. Oprah: Wow, that was unbelievable: Sir may we know who you are? Top Gun: My name is Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun for short. more...

A math joke
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn’t take algebra!

A history joke
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!

A history joke
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!

A math joke
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I’m no good at math!

What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
The juve-niles!

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
Fifteen students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further: Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever more...

Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers.
Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I Scream.
Q. What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray.
Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo.
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos.
Q. Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin.
Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!
Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.
Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.

Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A. They're afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? A. Dayscare centers.Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? A. His ghoul friend.Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert? A. I Scream.Q. What do witches put on their hair? A. Scare spray.Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A. Bamboo.Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make? A. Boo boos.Q. Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? A. Because of his coffin.Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies? A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? A. Because everyone was a goblin! Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet? A. With a pumpkin patch.Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang? A. His other fang.

One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh...it was great! Never had any like it before!!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good??" and the old man said "GHOST!?!?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!!"

One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.Then she asks "Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh...it was great! Never had any like it before!!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good??" and the old man said "GHOST!?!?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!!"