Grass Jokes / Recent Jokes

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were more...

Last summer, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run Jane
kept hinting to Dick, her husband, that he needed to get it fixed.
However, for some reason the message wasn't sinking in.
She finally thought of a clever way to make the point. When Dick
arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass busily
clipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. Jane
thought she had again failed to get his attention. He was gone only a
few moments, and when he came out again he handed her a toothbrush
saying, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep
the sidewalks."

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asked them to use it in a sentence.
The first student, Little Jimmy raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue".
The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Little Suzie raised her hand and said, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher again replied, "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
At this this time, Little Johnny raises his hand and asked the teacher "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher looked at him and said, "No... But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion."
So Little Johnny replied, "Then I definitely s#it in my pants."

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?
If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If I save time, when do I get it back?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants more...

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you throw away a garbage can? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock? If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from? If I save time, when do I get it back? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers? If swimming is good for your shape, then more...

Two cows eating grass,
On a warm, sunny hillock.
By this time tomorrow,
That grass will be millock.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"