Grass Jokes / Recent Jokes

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. ”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about? ”
“Oh, I don’t know, ” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America? ” and he smiles.
“OK, ” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is? ”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea. ”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really more...

A new sales assistant was hired at a large dept. store. On his first day, the
sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by
the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed.
The sales manager stepped in.
SM: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
C: I guess so. I'll take one.
SM: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
C: Um, okay.
SM: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass
when it starts growing too long.
C: I'll take one of those too.
After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?"
he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what
the customer originally came in for."
Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where
he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
MAN: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
SA: more...

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass? “ he asked one man. “We don‘t have any money for food, “ the poor man replied. “Oh, come along with me then. “ “But sir, I have a wife with two children! “ “Bring them along! And you, come with us too! “ he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children! “ the second man answered. “Bring them as well! “ They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. “ The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall. “

One afternoon a lawyer was driving home when he saw a man eating grass by the side of the road. "Why are you doing that?" the lawyer asked. "I don't have any money for food," the man replied. "Oh, then you must come home with me." "But, sir, I have a wife and five children." "They are all welcome." So the family got in the lawyer's car and he sped off towards his mansion. "You're so kind to help so many people," the wife gushed during the journey. "It's fine," said the lawyer. "I haven't cut my grass in weeks."

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in the classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

Tommy: OK. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

Teacher: Did you see God?

Tommy: No.

Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

Tommy: Yes.

Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside?

Tommy: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time)

Little girl: Did you see the sky?

Tommy: more...

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in the classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy: Sonu do you see the tree outside?
Sonu: Yes.
Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
Sonu: Yes.
Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
Sonu: OK. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
Teacher: Did you see God?
Sonu: No.
Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Do you see the tree outside?
Sonu: Yes.
Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
Sonu: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time)
Little girl: Did you see the sky?
Sonu: Yessssss
Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
Sonu: Yes
Little Girl: Do you see her brain?
Sonu: more...

One day a 6 year old was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy:
TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the
boy:
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: more...