Greatest Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure... go ahead."
Man: "What covers a house?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

Whats the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.

A little boy walked out into a field saying,' I'm the greatest hitter in the world!'

He tossed up the ball, swung at it, and missed. The boy yelled,' Strike one!'

Then he tossed the ball a second time and missed,' Strike Two!'

The boy checked his bat, concentrated very hard, tossed up his ball and missed again.

Then the boy said,' Boy, I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!

One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work.
The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?"
The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life."
The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller." The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare."
The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller."
The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth."
The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?"
The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods more...

One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work.The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?"The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life."The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller." The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare."The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller."The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth."The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?"The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking more...

More examples of creativity provided by a 6th grade class during history tests:

1. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. 2. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were to 2 singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
declared, "a horse divided against itself can not stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 4. Abraham Lincoln was more...

Where do you come from?" the Scotsman asked an American. "From the greatest country in the world," replied the American. "Funny," said the Scotsman, "you've got the strangest Scottish accent I've ever heard."