Group Jokes / Recent Jokes

All the numbers went to a party and numbers being what they are, all
the evens stayed around each other and all the odds did the same and
neither group interacted with each other. Whilst two was chatting to
four he noticed zero was on his own in the corner and suggested to
four that because zero is sort of even he should be encouraged to mix
with even numbers - four agreed. So off went two to invite zero into
their little group. "Would you like to join our little group" enquired
two, to which zero replied "I have nothing to add!"

New Words for the 2000s
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Tourists - People more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George... Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had more...

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.Each day I try to enjoy more...

New Words for the 2000sBlamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.Tourists - People who take training classes just to get more...

Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered
48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had more...