Guests Jokes / Recent Jokes

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres.Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly - sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless you more...

Festivity Level One
Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
Festivity Level Two
Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
Festivity Level Three
Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
Festivity Level Four
Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing.
Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test more...

Personal Hygiene
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to
detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private using one's own truck keys.
Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter
and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save
hours. It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this
method.
The first rule of shaving is to take your time. A man who is always
clean-shaven runs the risk of being labeled a sissy or an international
banker.
It's recommended that women occasionally shave their legs and
under-arms. No amount of effort, not even braiding, can make hair in
these body regions attractive.
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down
item.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for more...

Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!
Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"
Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!
Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.
Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."
Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.
Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too).
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.
If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing, "I thought you loved me!" and run from the more...

With the Holiday Season upon us it is important to understand how much our
parties are appreciated. Please use the listing below as reference.

Gauging the level of your Christmas Party
Festivity Level 1
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree
ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and
nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2
Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to
nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be
Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors
d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get
no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas
tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see more...

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike. Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing. You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, more...

Level I:
Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to sing Christmas carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree.
Level II:
Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta Be Me" while others begin rearranging your Christmas ornaments.
Level III:
Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Level IV:
Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
In more...