Hardware Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...nothing... only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing,' he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?' replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, but, that's impossible,' stutters more...

A gentleman broom met a lady broom in the back of a hardware store. When they fell in love, he shyly said "You're the broom I've been waiting for."
As the months went by their romance bloomed midst many a mop and brush.
Then there came a day when she broke the news, with a wink and a charming blush.
"I'm expecting a baby broom", she said; but he wasn't at all upset.
"You must be kidding", he said "for we haven't swept together yet."

A blonde goes in to a hardware store, walks up to the counter and asks, "Can I buy that TV?"
The guy replies "No" so the blonde goes outside and dyes her hair brown and goes back in and asks, "Can I buy that TV?"
Again, the guy replies "No" so she goes back outsite and dyes her hair black, then goes back in and asks, "Can I buy that TV?" Not surprisingly, the guy replies "No" again, so in desperation the girl goes back outside and shaves her hair completely off.
Finally, she walks back in the store and asks "Can I buy that TV?", to which the guy replies "No".
Frustrated, she asks "Why won't you sell that TV?"
The guy says, "Two reasons, actually. First, you're the same silly blonde who keeps coming in here with dyed hair, and second, it's a microwave!"

Once upon a time, a man decided to vacation on a cruise ship
in the Caribbean. It was wonderful-the experience of his
life! He was waited upon hand and foot. But, alas, it did
not last. A hurricane came up suddenly and the ship went
down. The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the
shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be
seen. No person, no supplies, nothing.
The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts,
but that was it. He was desperate and forlorn, but decided to
make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate
bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea
mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and
looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of
his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around
the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most
gorgeous woman he had more...