High Jokes / Recent Jokes

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

Aging Gracefully...
Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking,
"Surely I can't look that old?" read on...
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Sisler High school.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Spartan." he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1961. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, "What more...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her more...

With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has beenformed called "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a guy feels like gettingmarried, they send over a woman with crulers in her hair, cream on herface and wearing a torn housecoat to nag him out of it.

Special High Intensity TeachingMemo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivityFrom students, it will be our policy to keep all students welltaught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our students more S. H. I. T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S. H. I. T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilledat seeing that you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle. Students who don't know S. H. I. T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTALEDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T.). Those who fail to take D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E. A. T. S. H. I. T.). Since our lecturers took S. H. I. T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S. H. I. T. anymore, as they are all full of S. H. I. T. more...

Here's some advice Bill Gates dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they would not learn in school. He talked about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1
Life is not fair-get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your more...

Saddam Hussein`s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles.

The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK`d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools.

A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he`s still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin)

AT & T announced last week it will lay off up to 8, 000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding.

El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got more...