Hillary Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hillary Clinton is showing signs of mental exhaustion from her long, hard campaign. She's imagining being shot at in Bosnia, imagining Obama being shot before the Democratic Convention, imagining shooting herself repeatedly in the foot...oh, wait-- that actually happened.
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"I Saw Mommy Marry Larry King"
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"Boris the Red-Nosed Yeltsin Had an 86-Proof Nose"
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"Im Searching For the Real Killers With Every Round of Golf I Play"
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"Oh, Hillary, Oh, Hillary, You're Going to Jail for One-to-Three"
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"Influenza, Influenza, Influenza, Influenza"
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"O Little Network CBS How Still We See Thee Lie"
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"Frosty the Crackhead Had a Crack Pipe Full of Crack"
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"I Have an Irregular Heartbeat Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum"
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"O. J. Is Free Although He's Prob'ly Guilty"
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"Good King Clinton Dropped His Pants in a Cheap Hotel Room"
Hillary Clinton has officially conveyed her desire for being the Vice President, by reserving a black convertible for Barack Obama to use for his victory parade in Dallas.
When Barrack Obama has asked Hillary Clinton to be his VP she was stunned and immediatly said she would love to be his Vice President. Barrack replied "No silly I want you to be my "Valet Parker"
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???" There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
Dana Carvey performing stand-up from his new special "Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies"--catch this special when it premieres on Saturday, June 14th at 10 p.m.--only on HBO!
Obama vs. Hillary - Dana Carvey
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a fancy solid gold urinal.
That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think " he said, "when I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that self-induligible!"
Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone.