Hillary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hillary went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White House. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well, they rang the Oval Office and Bill answered.
Hillary said: "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard" You got me pregnant!!!"
Bill remained quiet.
Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!"
Finally Bill answered, "Who is this???"

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton Address the Nation from SNL.

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question. "Will I be acquitted?"

Hillary went to her doctor for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He told her that she was in great shape, but that she was pregnant.
She advised the doctor that wasn't possible, but he insisted she most definitely was pregnant. She stormed out of the office, went to the receptionist, grabbed the phone and immediately called the White House.
When the operator answered, Hillary identified herself and told her she wanted to speak to Bill right away. When Bill answered the phone in the Oval Office, Hillary screamed at him, "Do you know what you did, you jerk? You got me pregnant!"
There was silence on the other end of the line. Again, Hillary yelled, "I said, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU BASTARD! YOU GOT... "
Finally, Bill answered, "Ummm, who is this?"

Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth Hospital
Washington DC

Dear John:

Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land.

Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best wishes,


Bill Clinton

P.S. Ken Starr is sleeping with Jodie Foster

Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.
Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."
Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."
Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."
Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."