Horn Jokes / Recent Jokes

A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love.
He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them.
Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two?
Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A: A goalpost that can't march.

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can't march.Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? A: A goalpost that can't march.Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? A: Have them miss every other note.Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy? A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I more...

Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboypreparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western orEnglish saddle. Judi asked what the difference was." Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't." "Just get the one without the horn. I don't thinkwe'll run into too much traffic out here."

My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn't.

She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."

ALTO SAX: Originally invented by Adolph Sax as the result of an evening of much cheap wine and a dare by a drunken horn player, the instrument he produced is neither brass nor woodwind. The only intended victim of this vile weapon is the concert band French horn player. Nothing is worse than hearing a great brass lick only to be obscured by the overly reedy tone and wobbly "vibrato" of some half crazed alto sax doubling the horns and overplaying them. Composers and arrangers are to blame as much as the alto players. Older players unable to temper their 1940's swing band vibrato are also a danger. The only counter measure is to question their manhood by daring the player to play Charlie Parker's "Donna Lee" at 230 beats per minute. That should shut' em up!

FRENCH HORN: French horns thankfully are a danger only to a small group of people, as their bells point in the wrong direction. They are only a danger to those unfortunate enough to have to sit behind them. Their intonation problems and constant cracking of pitches is of great annoyance to those brass players sitting behind them. Though lately the introduction of Plexiglas reflectors has reduced the danger to those behind the horns, unfortunately it presents a greater danger to the players themselves and those in front of them. Upon hearing their actual tones coming back at them, some hornists have been known to actually vomit on stage due to the hideousness of their own tone.