Horn Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.
Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.
Q: What`s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Somone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn`t.
Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.
Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?
A: The frog`s probably on its way to a gig.
Orchestral trombonists count so much rest and play so many repeated figures that the sheep story also works.
Trombone: a slide whistle with delusions of granduer.
Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog horn!
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
A lady was out driving her car and when she stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing.
The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as the lady continued to try getting the car to start up again. Finally she got out of her car and approached the guy in the car behind her.
"I can't seem to get my car started," she said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."
The following item was extracted from the travel section of a UK daily newspaper: Travelling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable - and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.
Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on an ancient text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English.
ARTICLE I
The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
ARTICLE II
The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, Jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
ARTICLE III
All wheeled vehicles more...
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you - or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't more...