Horse Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked the husband.
"He said the reflector is broken." replied the Amish lady.
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" asked the husband.
The wife replied, "I'm not sure, Jacob. . . Something about the emergency brake."
The little cowboy, Shorty, was leaving the bar to get on his horse for the ride back to the ranch, when he noted that someone had painted his horse's balls blue.
Totally pissed, he went back into the bar and shouted, "Who's the dirty son of a bitch that painted my horse's balls blue?!"
A big burly guy stood up and said, "I did. Got a problem with that?"
"None," says Shorty, "just wanted to let you know he was dry and ready for the 2nd coat."
A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. “Nice bike, ” the cop said “did Santa bring it to you? ”
“Yep, ” the little girl said, “he sure did! ”
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it. ”
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you? ”
“Yes, he sure did, ” chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top. ”
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. He drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my' thingy' and pull yourself up." And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes.