Hour Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two young guys were at a party in the woods when all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. The two ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "Eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?)
The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want?"
The old man softly replied, "You have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" more...
A Cub Scout trop was half an hour late to its den meeting. The den mother asked them severely, "Why are you so late?"
"Oh," said one boy, "we were helping an old man cross the street."
"That`s a nice thing for scouts to do," said the mother. She paused. "But it shouldn`t make you half an hour late."
"Well, you see," said another boy, "he didn`t want to go."
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world. WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE! FROZEN SOFT + GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9. 75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD. THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE' 50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS + BOX SPRING - $175. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER + DRYER - $300. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG... LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon" answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens."It opens at noon" answers the clerk.About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker."What time does the bar open?" he asks."Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you.""No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
JOHNNY WAS DOWNSTAIRS PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS,ROLLING THEM ALONG ON THE FLOOR. ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STOPS THE TRAIN AND SAYS: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OF."
THEN HIS MOTHER WALKS IN AND YELLED," JOHNNY, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY THOSE WORDS."
JOHNNY JUST KEPT ON PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS AND STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OFF."
HIS MOTHER OPENED THE DOOR AND YELLED: "JOHNNY, THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR AN HOUR TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WRONG."
JOHNNY DIDN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY, SO HE JUST KEPT PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS.HE STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON.WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF,GET THE HELL OF."
JUST THEM JOHNNYS MOM STORMED INTO THE ROOM AND SCREAMED: " JOHNNY, GO TO YOUR ROOM more...
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what
time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even
drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar
opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can
have room service send something up to you."
"Arre! No... I don't want to git in... Ah want to git OUT!!!"