Human Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl asked her father:' How did the human race appear?' The father answered,' God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered,' Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said,' Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'
The father answered,' Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.'

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then,' cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

A little girl had just finished her first more...

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labor

* I work at great depths

* I work head first

* I do not get, weekends off or public holidays

* I work in a damp environment

* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties

* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

* I work in high temperatures

* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight, who you kiddin!

* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

* You do not always follow the orders of the management team

* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

* You more...

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer; just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. I mean, who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

This is what cats have scheduled around the clock! You indoor cat owners can agree with me!
12:00 AM: The cat gets hungry hops on to nearest human attempts to wake human up to feed the cat!
1:00 AM: After human feeds the cat at midnight, the cat gets a surge of energy and has a sudden need to play!! Cat then jumps up and down on human`s chest as a use for entertainment.
3:06 AM: After the human throws the cat off the bed, the cat jumps back up on the bed and finds the human's toes as a new toy.
3:10 AM: After the human kicks the cat off the bed, the cat gets angry and storms out of the room.
4:00 AM: Human goes to the bathroom. Cats find this a great opportunity to show affection for human. When human returns to the bedroom he finds the cat totally stretched out in the right across the dead center of the bed. After human throws cat into basement the cat feels upset and hurt. Cat claws and meows at the door in order to get the huma

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous systems hasmany thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''