India Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.
Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one more...

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection." Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted." Give this man 30 dayscompassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man." Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 dayscompassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given thisman two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies." Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

Bill Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates: Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A. P.
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I more...

THE US Senate has overwhelmingly approved Washington's nuclear deal with New Delhi, in which India recieves access to civilian nuclear technology and in return, America gets its tech support departments back.

The following item was extracted from the travel section of a UK daily newspaper: Travelling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable - and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.
Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on an ancient text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English.
ARTICLE I
The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
ARTICLE II
The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, Jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
ARTICLE III
All wheeled vehicles more...

Banta Singh saw that his friend santa Singh was very
depressed.
"What happened ?" asked banta.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I
bet on the highlights too "

[This mail, copyright, the Indian masses - C.]
There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!
The only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!
All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and Pasta.
India's National Sport will be - of course, Soccer.
Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and will be replaced by Jayalalitha!
National vegetable - Zucchini!
There will be Pope John Paul's "yearly" visit TWICE every year!
Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's Confetti House"!
Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts! (Yikes!)
And... the number one thing that will happen if Sonia Becomes the Prime Minister of India is...
All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions because Madame thinks they are all ITALIANS! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani... after all they do resemble Mussolini, more...