India Jokes / Recent Jokes
Here are a few things that could happen:
Mohini Devi, a housewife from Bihar sues PM for 1 Crore Rupees for sexually molesting her. She alleges that during his election campaign in Punjab he made overtures and advances of indecent nature - he kept saying "Hame karna hai!" Reports say she is open to an out of the court settlement.
J H Patel says India should reduce the number of visas issued to' aliens'. Demands cut in the number of American engineers being admitted into the country says the whites ('Caucasian-Indians') are' stealing' away the local jobs.
Sports: Bombay' Bombers' beat Madras' Sambars' 3 - 0 in a 5 game cricket tournament. Sachin Tendulkar says he wont be playing for Bombers from next season, as the Bihar' Lalloos' have offered him 50 lakh more to play for them.
Tonight on Zee TV: Kabaddi world series live! over 4 countries from around the world participating in his fast-becoming popular sport. Last time - runner ups Germany looking to beat more...
India wins Cricket match; 120 people die of shock
Bihar sold to Pakistan; Resulted In an unrelated incident: Literacy
soars up to 86% in India and in another interesting incident Pakistan's
literacy rate also increases by 50 %.
Population Statistics: 42% - Literate, 58%- Politicians.
Flood in Bihar; 2 die of thirst.
India wins Gold in India versus Rest Of India Games
Poverty to be eradicated in India using Virtual Reality Software.
Laloo to be made National Animal.
Ramar Pillai produces Pottasium Permanganate from rice, water, a
stick and some Pottasium Permanganate.
No bombings in Kashmir today
Suit filed holding Sharad pawar responsible for Battle of
Panipat, 1526.
Doctorate conferred on Jayalalitha for completing 2 months in Jail
Death penalty upheld for Attempted Suicide victim.
General Musharaf, President of Pakistan was awoken at 4am by the
telephone.
"Jannab, its the Minister of Health here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Rawalpindi has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Pakistani supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week."
Musharaf: "What a disaster! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies- we'll be ruined!"
Minister: "We're going to have to ship some condoms in from abroad..."
Musharaf: "Afghanistan...?"
Minister: "No chance!! The tabloids will have a field day on this one!"
Musharaf: "What about India?"
Minister: "Maybe- but we don't want them to know that we are stuck. Call the Indian Prime Minister, Singh- tell him we need one million condoms; colored gold and green; ten inches long and eight inches thick! That more...
Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0. 0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the more...
An American delegation on a visit to India was being shown round the capital. In the evening they were taken to the Secretariat for a panoramic view of Vijay Chowk and Rajpath. Came the closing hour and thousands upon thousands of clerks poured out of their offices. The place was crammed with bicycles and pedestrians.
'Who are all these people?', asked the leader of the American delegation.
'They are the common people of India; the real rulers of the country,' proudly replied the minister conducting the visitors.
A few minutes later came a fleet of flag-bearing limousines escorted by pilots on motorcycles followed by jeeps full of armed policemen.' And who are these?', asked the American.
'These are us,' replied the minister with the same pride.' The servants of the people.'
For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that unholy task, we present a shortcut to make their work easier. Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers:
MALAYALEES
One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees is an oilslick.
TAMILIANS
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.
ANDHRAITES
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.
BENGALIS
One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun more...
India's ruling Congress party has bought the rights to "Jai Ho," the Oscar-winning song from "Slumdog Millionaire." Meanwhile North Korea just tried to buy ACDC's "Highway to Hell".