Insult Jokes / Recent Jokes

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

Funny insults, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.

Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.

You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.

I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of more...

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

Funny quips, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!

We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".

You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.

You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!

A dope you are and dope will remain.
Completely unlike cocaine.
You add to, not diminish, pain!

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.

We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far more...

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

Funny Remarks, relating to a variety of different topics.

A collection of insults! Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.

You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.

It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.

Hey, act your age -- senile!

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.

In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."

We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

The thing that terrifies me the most more...

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.