Jewish Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young, single man, having no family, often ate at a restaurant in the center of the city of Chelm. He knew the owner Moishe and he ate there regularly. The only other restaurant in Chelm, Chaim's, was located directly across the street from Moishe's.
One day, the young man went to eat at Chaim's and when Moishe saw what happened, he was totally distraught. He said, "how can you not eat at my place? Are we not like family?" The young man replied that indeed they were.
Moishe asked,"Isn't my food good?" The young man replied that the food was delicious and that the portions were exceedingly generous. Moishe then asked, "so why did you go eat at Chaim's restaurant on the other side of the street?"
The young man replied that he had terrible toothache on his molar on the far left side of his mouth. He was told that the intinerant dentist would not be in town for another week. Therefore, the young man explained to Moishe, "I went to the Rabbi more...

A lundsman was walking along a street in Brooklyn, when he was approached by a man who asked the lundsman, "Say, do you like pussycats?", to which the lundsman replied, "Sure. So how did you know my name vas Katz?"

Doctor Moshe Rabinowicz and his wife Rachel are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls Rachel and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated Moshe says "what took you so long to answer the phone"?
She says, "I was in bed".
"In bed this late in the day, doing what"?
"I was getting a second opinion" she replied.

10) Three Men And A Bubbie

9) A Few Hood Mentches

8) The Cohenheads

7) The Rocky Hora Picture Show

6) Shalom Alone

5) Goyz `N The Hood

4) A Gefilte Fish Called Wanda

3) The Wizard Of Oys

2) Who Framed Roger Rabbi?

1) Prelude To A Bris

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor.This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly.WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH.The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.The Jewish more...

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period."Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out.""What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt."Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?""Right.""An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?""Er--right.""An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?""Again you're right.""An' the Children of Israel fought the' gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?""All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?

At the hairdressers
Sadie and Rose were sitting under hair dryers at the hairdresser having a chat.
Sadie says, "So nu, Rose, how`s that daughter of yours?"
Rose replies, "She`s OK thanks. She married a fantastic man. He`s got such a good job in the City that she gave up her secretary`s job. She stays at home but never needs to cook, because he always takes her out, or clean the house, because he got her a maid, or worry about my 2 lovely grandchildren, because he got her a live-in nanny."
Sadie then asks, "And how`s your son?"
Rose replies, "His life is awful. He married a bitch from hell. She never cooks anything and makes him take her out to dinner every night. God forbid she should vacuum a carpet, so she made him get her a maid. He has to work like a dog because she refuses to get a job and she never takes care of my grandson because she made him get her a nanny."