Jury Jokes / Recent Jokes

When called to serve for jury duty, Mrs. Howard asked to be excused since she did not believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. However, the public defender appreciated her thoughtfulness and attempted to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained. "This is not a murder trial. It is a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $15,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"All right then, I'll serve," Mrs. Howard replied. "I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer,
knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted,
resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch.
"Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says:' Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly more...

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12, 000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is
guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever
trick.
''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,'' the lawyer
says as he looks at his watch. 'Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in
this case will walk into this court room,' he says and he looks toward the
courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute
passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I made up the previous statement. But
you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is
reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that
you return a verdict of not guilty.'
The jury, clearly confused, retires to more...

A lawyer addresses an all male jury: "Gentlemen, shall we cast this beautiful, lonely young lady into a dim cell in a prison, or shall we return her to her oceanside beach condo, Ocean City, telephone Number 555-4531?"

A murder trial was concluding. In his closing, the defense lawyer stated strongly, "Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution has made much of its circumstantial case against my client, but as you all know by now, they have never found the alleged victim. Well, members of the jury, we have done what they have failed to do, proving without a doubt my client's innocence. The person presumed dead is about to walk into this courtroom."

With that, the attorney looked expectantly at the doors at the back of the courtroom. The jurors, stunned, looked at the door eagerly for a minute, but no one entered. Finally, the lawyer stated, "I confess, I made up the previous statement. But I did so to prove a point about reasonable doubt. All of you thought that person would enter the court. How can you find my client guilty when you have such strong guilty that anyone was event killed?"

To the lawyer's shock, the jury only deliberated for ten minutes before more...

Drunken Billy was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?"
He was acquitted.