Jury Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors
to look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the
lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant.
"Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe
that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"
He was acquitted.

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal feelings prevent justice from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she should serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $21,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter. "I'll serve. I suppose I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to: me or the machine?"

A dishonest defense attorney bribed a man on the jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, instead of murder, which the state was attempting to get.

The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict.

When the lawyer paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.

"I sure did," the juror replied, "the other eleven wanted to acquit."

Guilty Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says:' Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A very few more...

Kobe Bryant was recently excused from jury duty. Prosecutors were worried that during deliberations, he would refuse to give up the floor.

A plaintiff lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision. Verdict for Plaintiff! The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, and? Justice has triumphed! ” The client immediately wired back, “Appeal at once! ”