Kick Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into the bar with his wife. After a few drinks, he goes and uses the pisser. as soon as he wlked in their, a man walked up and said to her,
"man babby you got some nice tits i want tosuck on them"
the women looking horified looked at him and said
"are you talking to me"? The man then said
"man babby you got a nice ass, i want to lick that shit".
the women says
"my husband is in the bathroom and he is going to kick your ass".
the man says
"man babby you got a nice pussy i want to tip you over and drink beer from that shit"
The women gets up ready to slap the man. as soon as he sees her husband walking up the man takes off. Her husband asks,
"whats wrong hunny"?
the women replies,
"Youll never believe it, this man just came up and said that he wanted to suck on my titties"
The man looks around and says,
"where is this guy"
The women more...
This one big lawyer from the city decided to take time away from his busy day and went out to the farm and shot a duck.
The farmer walks out Of his building upon hearing the shot and screams at the city guy - "HEY You Cant shoot that duck on my property. That duck belongs to me. Hand it over!"
The city guy says, 'Hell no I shot him so I get to keep him!"
The farmer and the city boy decide to settle it country style (which is to kick each other in the nuts till the other one falls over")
So the farmer goes first and slams the city boy a nice hard stiff kick. Upon receiving the kick, the city boy damn near colllapses from the pain.
The city boy regains his balance And studders "Its my turn"
The famer looks at him and says - "aw Hell, keep the damn duck!
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."
The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, more...
A big city, Colorado, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and more...
A little boy sits down at the breakfast table. Since he lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "No, not yet," he replies. His mother tells him that he can't have any breakfast until his chores are done.
He gets pissed and stomps off. He goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows and kicks a cow. Then, he goes to feed the pigs and kicks a pig.
He goes back to the table and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"Why don't I get any bacon and eggs? Why isn't there any milk in my cereal," he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick a pig, so you don't get any bacon either. I also saw you kick a cow, so there's no milk for you this morning."
Just then, his father enters the kitchen and kicks the cat out of his way.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a grin and says, "So, mom, are you going to tell him, or more...